Name: Himanshu Gupta
Comments: We are service class person. Having one daughter (elder) married and settled in States. Living very comfortably and one son who is software engineer and living in Gurgaon. We ie. My wife and myself are living in Delhi. My son was married on 12.06.2005 at Lucknow. The girl belongs to Lucknow who is B.Arch and the marriage was got registered also at Lucknow during the first week itself on my advice as my son is software engineer and may go abroad so keeping in view that both should go, the marriage was got registered. The daughter in law is B-Arch but before marriage, she was working in M/S Godrej (Furniture division). However, before marriage it was agreed upon that she will not do the service till any necessity arises. The reply of father of the girl was ✠Their elder daughter was P.C.S and resigned after marriage and she is house wife at Mumbai since then. We or our this daughter also has no objection to remain house wifeâ. The same question was raised to
the girl under reference also who said that âœshe has no such aspiration for job and has no hesitation to remain house wife as the family is on top priority.â At the time of ROKA ie. January 2005 my son was posted in Mumbai but before the date of marriage, which was solomonized on 12.06.2005 he shifted to Banglore. The marriage was arranged through news paper matrimonial. I was posted in Lucknow. The father of the girl is retired teacher and mother is still a teacher.
The relations between two families cannot be termed very good since inception of marriage. Even on the second day of marriage, when my son went to his in laws, they passed certain sarcastic remarks against us which my son listened and did not tell us even after his arrival back. On the next day, we all i.e. myself my wife, son and dughter-in â"law came to delhi for certain pooja at Kalka Mandir and Ashram in Payala. Thereafter, we left my son and daughter in law at the airport for Banglore and we came back to Lucknow by train.
They were having not good relations since inceptions because the girl started to harass my son and started to torture him even physically throwing her leg on him. But my son did not tell this fact to us and was trying to console himself with his luck and tried to manage the affairs at his own. She was not ready to work at all in the house and even did not know to cook the food or manage the kitchen. No cleanliness was being kept in the house. She was wearing torn clothiers despite repeated request of my son who bought new clothes. But she did not buzz and continued to wear torn clothes all the day and night. Even than, my son was trying to manage the affairs keeping in view the fact that these problems are temporary and will subside in due course of time. Even, my son washed the utensils at the house as availability of servant was very poor. She was all the time asking for Rs 1.00 lacs which her father gave for purchase of household goods in the marriage. Her father and mothe
r also asked at all the time when both of them are going to celebrate the honey moon and where they are going. My son gave her the complete account of Rs 1.00 lacs and went for honey moon also in Taj hotel resorts Kumarakon (kerala). But still she was not happy on one or the other pretext.
Then on request of my son and daughter in law, my wife went to Banglore by train and taught her how to cook food and manage the kitchen. She started to learn also but suddenly after few days there was change in the behavior of daughter in law and instead of learning, she tried to tease my wife also by body actions. ( the girl was in constant touch with her parents on telephone from PCO and later on through mobile) I was informed about the whole incidence and said that she (my wife) cannot live here and want to come back to Delhi. I consoled her and I left to Banglore by Air and remained for a week time. The thing started to move in right directions and the relations started to improve and I came back with my wife.
Just after a weeks time around, the father and mother of the girl reached to Banglore and remained for 3-4 days with her. My son was so busy in the office that he could not give much time to them and on the last day, the father in law had very hot discussion with my son. The issue was why my son is not talking to them. My son told that he does not have much time. Then the father of girl said that no, you do not want to talk and what is the problem with the height of the girl. My son said âœNo problem. You said in writing in the bio-data of the girl that it is 5â™-3â but it is 5â™-1â Father: No it is 5-3 then my son said that I have never raised this question after marriage but if you still say so, measure it. It is 5-1â and when it was measured it was found that it is 5-1â and on this father started to shout on him, insulted him and passed very harassing remarks and ultimately said that we shall take our daughter back to Lucknow. My son said it is enough and you ca
n go with her and left for his office. Daughter in law telephoned to me and said about leaving the station. I said ✠Think about it once again, in case you want to stay, it is your house, stay like a daughter, If you want to go to Lucknow, there is no harm if going peacefully, but if you go in such a way, then it is not advisable as once you go like this, it shall be very difficult to come back again. The decision is yours. She preferred to stay back and her parents left back to Delhi. I appreciated her action not only to her but also to her mama also who came later on at our residence at Delhi.
She was pressing hard for Job and even was not ready to be conceived and after pregnancy, she wanted to miscarry the child but ultimately she agreed to carry the child but she insisted for the job. Job was searched and she got the employment also but did not agree to join because of distance. My son said, you should try and if not found suitable, you may leave it. But she refused and asked him to seek comfortable job. But it is not in the hands of my son. Her behaviour remained like a master trying to use her husband as a servant.
During the month Deewali, She wanted to go to Lucknow and celebrate Deewali at Delhi So she came to Delhi and remained for one day only with us. She came back after 4-5 days and remained in Delhi to celebrate Deewali 2005. During this period, my son shifted to Pune and could not come to Delhi so as to find out a house in Pune. After Deewali myself, my wife and daughter in law left for Pune by Air and I came back after 4-5 days but my wife remained for a week around. But suddenly, my son was sent on deputation to Hydrabad for two months and therefore, daughter in law and my wife came back to Delhi by train. When my son reached back to Pune after completion of deputation at Hydrabad, She left for Pune by AIR in January 2006.
She came back by Air from Pune in first week of April 2006 for delivery purpose. She was interested for Lucknow for delivery at the initial stage and necessary air booking was got done, subsequently after my suggestions, she agreed for delivery at Delhi and therefore, the tickets of Lucknow were got cancelled and came back to Delhi by Air.
During the stay at Delhi, it was observed that her behavior became very negative and hard hitting aggressive just after any call from her mother/father or sister. I tried my level best to make her understood that she should see how she can be happy in the family but did not prevail. We under oath say that we have never raised any issue or sarcastic remarks on daughter in law on account of money or gift during the first year festivals. Whatever her parents have sent to her, all money has been deposited in her sole account only. We or my son have not touched even single paise so far. We have never demanded any money even at any stage. I have booked all air tickets except one or two which has been booked by my son.
After delivery of a baby boy in may 2006 for which we have spent around Rs 30000.00, she did not feed her child and did not take any medicine even after doctorsâ™ advice and telling a lie at all times. We kept mum at that time also. She pressed for arrival of my son from Pune. It was a new assignment and leave were not possible. On her continuous pressure, my son came to Delhi on Friday night as Saturday and Sunday was holiday and so he had to come by Air via Mumbai and left through Mumbai on Sunday by Air and then by bus to Pune from Mumbai.. We did not invite any body at the time of birth Havan except my brothers and family. We did not celebrate the birth in traditional method to avoid any dispute. No body came to Delhi to see the child from Lucknow. She asked for traditional gift (CHHOCHAK). We refused that since it is not being celebrated there is no need for it. We never raised this issue. When the issue for her going to Lucknow came, we requested her father to come an
d have lunch at our residence and take her daughter along with the baby for any number of days they want. She left for Lucknow with her father and one of his cousin brother for around 3 weeks in July 2006. They had lunch also with us at our residence.
My son again changed his employer to Gurgaon and gave a notice of two months to the present employer so it was decided that there is no need to go to Pune as only 30 days remains and she came to Delhi and remained here for around one month.
During the period, one day she sat naked in the room before the servants (Kapde wali and choka bartan wali) and kept smiling. After the servant asked her why she is sitting in such a naked posture and asked my wife to cover her, she kept mum and my wife covered her with the gown. On enquiry she said that her mind was not working therefore she sat naked and sat as it is. On one of the other occasion, she became like a statute and when water was showered on her, she smiled and opened her eyes. We enquired about the incidence and illness if continued earlier so as to go for treatment but she said there is nothing I know every thing and I was just making a fun and refused to go the Doctor.
During this period, she did all type of actions to tease my wife at all times and consequently, she developed high blood pressure first time in life and is under medical treatment since then.
She misguided her husband also about the motherâ™s treatment, and therefore my son had come on loss of pay from Pune for 15 days. The reporting was found false and completely false. Since it was summer, my wife said that let both of them go to Shimla for enjoyment. Myself made necessary arrangements by getting guesthouse booked for 3 days. But at the eleventh hour she canceled the programme saying that she will go for not less than 8 days minimum and there is no use for 3-4 days. Ultimately the entire money has to be lost and my son left for Pune. My son at the time of departure to Pune told us that he came just to confirm how my mother can be bad for her keeping the pious and affectionate nature since birth and he came on loss of pay to know the truth silently.
During the month of July 06, necessary arrangements were made for their stay at Gurgaon. A flat was taken on rent of Rs 5500.00 per month having 3 bedrooms set. Her mobile connection of reliance was also got shifted to Gurgaon. But just after 10days or so she again started to tease my son and asked for to arrange a job for her but job is not that easy to get and then to perform with a baby of 3 months. On one day they had hot exchanges over cleanliness and suddenly, she came, kept the son on the floor and pressed the throat of my son showing an attempt to kill him. He saved himself in any way and she went away but again she came to attempt the same way but this time she came, gauzed at him and said I will go to my parents. I will not stay here. My son said that you call your father and entire household goods belonging to her parental were packed and she telephone to her father and also called on me in my office and said that I shall not live here I have called my father. I e
nquired about the incidence and she said that husband has misbehaved with her and she is not ready to be here. I told her that I am coming. In the mean time I got a call from her father who shouted on me like any thing and threatened me the consequences if we do not fall in line to their wishes. I told him with tears in my eyes that I have lost every thing as I am failed, as I could not make them happy despite my best of efforts and all comforts whatever possible even beyond my means. Her father told me that they are coming tonight by Satabdi and asked me to be at the residence of my son. I went to the residence of my son to Gurgaon along with my wife and enquired about the incidence. Then I came to know that she has attempted to kill him by pressing the throat. I enquired from daughter in law about it. She kept mum and after my persuasion to find out the reason, she said I lost my temper and in anger I did it. By the time she had telephoned to her father again not to come
as every thing is O.K. but they said they have already boarded on the train Satabadi to come to Delhi though nothing had been resolved till then.
Her father, uncle and cousin brother (she has no real brother) came to Gurgaon and discussed in anger. First of all I asked them is there any problem from my wife or me. All the relatives of the girl including girl said that she has no problem with us. She further said there is no problem with husband also except hot words. They all threatened to face the consequences and also threatened for our services also by implicating us under dowry act and act to be introduced soon in parliament for ladies. They did not have the offered cup of tea in the beginning. I told them all type of incidence/activities she did
Telling lie at all times to hide the truth 1. The parents told that it is because of undue pressure from our side otherwise she is OK. No intervention from our side is required.2. She is having angry attitude please bear it.3. Asked her to wear good clothes.4. There is no work at home when servant is available and washing machine is also available.5. No Mara-peeti at any point of time 6. There is no medication required for her as she has no mental problem and refused to consult the doctor despite the attitude explained.7. My son should not interfere in the cleanliness of the house8. Son is of both and he should also take care of him We assured them that if our advice or visit creates any such problem, we will stop it and true to our conscience we stopped to have any type of contact with them till there is call from her/him
Sat naked
Became statute
Wearing torn clothes despite all new clothes available
Not doing work at home
No cleanliness in the house despite the servant available.
Pressure to buy a new car
Attempt to kill him by pressing the throat etc
Not caring of the child even. The clothes remained dirty and urine of the child used to dry in the napkin but she did not like to change it despite the doctorâ™s advice. Doctorâ™s advice that diapers if used whole day and night it will lead to fungal inspection. They agreed and advised her to do as advised by doctors but she did not pay any heed and continued the same way.
During discussion, when the point of nakedness was brought to the knowledge of her father in a room by my son separately, her father shouted on my son and cousin brother who was in the adjoining drawing room rushed to the room to attack my son and abused him. I intervened and stopped the hot discussion amongst them. The subject was confirmed from the girl who said ✠yes but it was only onceâ. All discussion was carried on the day and ultimately they said that all the problems could be solved if she is employed and my son starts to go to Lucknow. But the situation was explained to them that, they also agreed in the beginning of marriage for not doing the job, even though how she shall manage with the kid. Her parents said that yes! she can do the job after 5-6 years of age of the child. As regard to the son to come to Lucknow, we explained that we have never objected it and even now we have no objection. But my son said that his in laws have insulted him in Banglore and h
ere also so badly, it shall take time to reconcile but I shall continue to talk whenever they want. Thereafter we again offered a cup of tea, which they took and left.
Things were going on well but one day on Dhanterash they had hot exchanges over the cry of the child. My son said to take him in the lap and leave every thing as he was going to the office but she shouted on him and said if you cannot hold him why you have given birth. I cannot remain in the house and hit my son again on the back and they had Mara-peeti again. I was called by the girl stating that this has happened. I went to Gurgaon and talked to both of them and get them realized that both of you are wrong. In the meantime I was to go to Doctor and I got a threatening call from her father who was at Hydrabad with her elder daughter threatening sever consequences. I told them that both of boy and girl are foolish. I shall try to settle them again. In the meantime, I got another call from Mama of the Girl who is retired CMO asking for the episode I explained the situation and he also said that it is wrong on the part of the girl but still I said that I shall put both of them
in the room and let them decided how they can live. If they agree it is fine otherwise let them be separate amicably. Her Mama appreciated my efforts and agreed. I told him also that we have stopped to interfere in the affairs of both of them as desired by the father of the girl. But Mama said that you have full right on your son and daughter in law also. Any how I had put both of them in a room and asked them to come out only with the solution. Both of them came and said, they agree to stay together. The condition was that son shall not interfere in the house at all at any point and she will not do physical/mental torture to her husband by actions/badtamijee, which was a routine matter on her part. The things since then were going on well till 21.02.2007. My son stopped to take break fast and lunch even so that she may not feel over occupied and keep the son properly. But even than she was as careless as earlier she was and still complaining that she has lot of work. If any
thing is done, she says why done. If son says something why it has been said. If not said why it has not been said. If speaks why you speak if do not speak why you are silent. The time was being passing on. The child suffered acute infection because of unhygienic rooms. Doctorâ™s advice also did not yield any result to the girl and she did not care for cleanliness of the rooms/child/toys as advised by Doctor. The child remains hungry at all times as no proper feeding is given to him despite doctors advice. She pretends that he takes feeding of bottle number of times what she can do? Sometimes child does not like which she wants to give. She cannot care more than this. Her sister residing in Hydrabad misguides for the feed of the child but she follows that advice instead of doctorâ™s advice. My son ultimately left to interfere in this matter also.
Both of them wanted to go to Vaishno Devi and accordingly two air tickets were booked and hotel was also booked by my son at Jammu so that one day can be spent at Jammu also. They were to leave on 22.02.2007 in the morning by Air and thereafter she was to go to Lucknow and accordingly ticket of Lucknow was also got booked for 10.03.2007 but suddenly on 21.02.2007 she telephone at 3.49PM to me over mobile in my office that she is going to Lucknow as he does not talk at all and I cannot remain in indifferent attitude. I asked her to be there and I am coming but she said that she is on the way to airport and she cannot come back. I told her to come to Delhi to our residence instead of going to Lucknow but she refused and on enquiry how is going alone, she said she is going with his cousin brother (Name was not disclosed). I called on her tow time during this period because she made her mobile off again and again. I was trying to contact my son also and in the meantime I got call
from my son at 4.02 PM who also told that there was nothing at all and he is also disturbed why she has left when they were to go to Vaishnodevi tomorrow morning. There was no dispute even. They had eaten PIZZA only a day earlier as she did not like to cook the food. I contacted her father on mobile who shouted on me saying that you all have tortured her physically and mentally and she cannot live there. You shall have to face the consequences but after my submission that there has not been any such thing to the best of my knowledge and neither girl has told any thing, her father said âœListen peacefully, she will come only when husband come to Lucknow for taking her back and we discuss with him.â
We were stunned and then I came to my house and went to Gurgaon along with my wife to meet my son and know the reasons. But he was completely unaware and confirmed that there was no incidence. However when the child did potty on the bed my son said that you should get him wear napkin on which she shouted on him. My son kept mum and requested for a cup of tea after some time on which she asked him to prepare himself in a rough language. Tu apne aap bana le. My son kept mum keeping in view that both of them are to go to Vaishno Devi tomorrow so why to aggravate the fuss.
On Holi 2006, they enquired through the girl what should they sent, I requested them that it is up to them but requested to come personally so as to have close relations with each other or send it through the cousin brother. I further told them that we have never demanded any thing except love and affection and regard. The girl assured but on the eleventh hour i.e. night before Holi, her father told us that they have sent the sweets and clothes through courier. We did not relish it and did not accept the courier. Later on we came to know that they have send the sweets and clothes to Pune also. In our tradition, the festival is sent only at one place but still we did not mind and the girl accepted the courier at Pune but in the evening when son came the entire thing was disclosed and it was decided that tomorrow is the HOLI so nothing shall be opened and HOLI shall be celebrated peacefully and thereafter we shall see the packets. But she did what he did not want. She opened ev
ery thing and forced him sarcastically in bad taste to take sweets, which resulted in hot exchange, and HOLI festival was ruined.
This has been observed that whenever, there is any festival, she is to create disturbance and make the thing ugly so that nobody can enjoy. Her attitude was not to do whatever is desired and she will do whatever is not desired.
There may some more incidences, which I do not recollect at present.
We have contacted our family members and advocate also. Who suggested that an application be filed under section 9 of Hindu marriage Act and send an application to the police station stating that she has left the house without any intimation or consent suddenly. But we and all of our family members feel that these are court recourse and these are not the solutions to these problems as our intention is to keep the family happy. Our intention is not to break the family if possible. We seek your guidance in the matter. We have not contacted at Lucknow since then. But we are certainly afraid of the situation that they shall misuse the law against all of our family members. I seek your guidance on the subject how should I proceed so that we may not be victims of Law. Besides your advice, which is very important, for the right persons please let me know how you can help us physically and legally. We reside in Delhi Rohini, Son lives in Gurgaon and we belong to Ballabgarh (Faridab
ad). The persons to be contacted in this regard, their telephone number. Mobile number and addresses may also be conveyed. All these details are requested in addition to your sincere and dedicated advice.
With regards
